Let it be known: Mary Poppins was a BITCH

Evidence:

Practically perfect in every way, my ass.

Don’t get me wrong: I like the movie alright, I guess — its charming Disneyosity — but from the first time I saw it, there was absolutely no denying that Miss Mary had that hat rack lodged firmly, and precisely, up her ass.

It’s a strange, lingering bee under my bonnet — kind of like how I get the impression that cauliflower, if it were animal rather than vegetable, would be an arrogant type, the kind to show off his fancy $2 words at a party — but one that has lasted over years.

I think Mary could take a lesson from Angela Lansbury circa ‘Bedknobs and Broomsticks.’ She knew how to keep it real.